dysenterygay:

I asked my italian grandfather if the rough parts of Italy were called the spaghetto and he looked at me with so much shame.

(via hecallsmepineappleprincess)

witchyhellbroth:

pinenolanapple:

it takes 237 muscles to fake an orgasm but 15 to say “it’s called a clitoris and it’s right here”

#don’t ever fake an orgasm let them know they disappointed you

(Source: warmbloodedkiller, via thecompanionsdoctor)

unpopuler:

food will never break my heart

(via africandad)

romeyooo:

adorkablenerdvana:

sometimes i think that i am not so stereotypical of an american

and then i remember that i consider the coke freestyle machine one of the greatest modern inventions

i mean look at this thing

image

it’s beautiful

over 100 choices, computerized mixing, one spout, touch screen, ice dispenser

image

like wow

have u ever seen anything so wondrous and beautiful??

(via thecompanionsdoctor)

trust:

i think the only thing ill ever be proud of is one of my selfies being used as a emo porn site advertisement 

image

(via thecompanionsdoctor)

tiger-in-the-flightdeck:

My baby brother’s first girlfriend recently confessed to thinking they were actually a boy. I asked my brother if this bothered him. His response was:

"Well, yeah. If I had have known they were a boy when we were going out, I would have said I had a boyfriend, not a girlfriend."

He was ten.

(via indecisionatitsfinest)

iguanamouth:

"what are your plans for the future" *shrugs so hard that my arms detach at the shoulders and i am no longer asked any questions that arent about my missing limbs*

(via thecompanionsdoctor)

lmaoalien:

when you tell your parents something funny and they turn it into a lectureimage

(via sonicmedoctor)

skypestripper:

the only thing tumblr has taught me is that im annoying

(via africandad)